Sunday, June 27, 2010

Emotions Keep Spinning Out

Colbie Caillat sings a song called Falling for You and one of the lines in it says "The emotions keep spinning out." I love this song! The entire song doesn't really speak to what I wanted to write about tonight, but that line really does.

I am feeling emotionally taxed and totally exhausted, physically, right now. It's been a long month of emotions. Early in the month we had the whole funeral thing for my cousin. It was really hard to deal with losing a cousin that was younger than me. His death was sudden and no one was prepared for it. Then a week later, we had my brother's wedding. With all the traveling, I was extremely exhausted when we made it home from that long weekend, although it was so amazing to be a part of his wedding and see him so happy!

Shortly after that, I was informed that a bunch of people at our software company had been laid off. Sure, this shouldn't affect my emotions much, but I considered some of them friends even though it was more of a business relationship. Then there was the joy of me getting a raise at work and my dad getting appointed to a new church.

Image found on Wayne State University Student Blogger site using Google Image Search.

This month has been quite the roller coaster ride of emotion. I think I might have hit my breaking point today when my son spilled red juice on the carpet. I "blow up" easily by nature. When this happened, I really just hollered his name and he ran to his bedroom and hid. I really don't want to be this way. I don't want my son to run and hide when I have to discipline him or whatever. I know I do this all to often and it hurts me to think that I'm really hurting him deep inside his heart.

Emotions and physical exhaustion really do affect me, a man, a father, a husband. Now that I admit that, how do I learn to control myself and/or my emotions? Honestly, I'd have to say that only with God's help will I ever change for the better. I really want to be the man, father, and husband He wants me to be! Maybe I need to move beyond self and thing of others a little more. Maybe I need to go back to what my father always said...Think before you speak/react. Please, God, mold me into who you would have me to be!
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Sandi said...

Honestly you've made a huge step just realizing it. I applaud you for it, because it seems to me so many people don't care. I know what you mean. I don't like to lose my temper or be the person that does. It's hard. You are on the right track and really stopping and counting to ten helps. Sounds stupid but if you think about it, if you sit there in silence for that long, chances are you won't be yelling as loud when you finally speak. I've had a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride of a life the past few years myself so I can definitely relate.